Oh, Kendall, your willingness to be this vulnerable, coupled with your gift of exquisite language, creates a permission structure for any one of us to challenge the cultural (and thus personal) conditioning that persists in undermining women for our Divine sexuality. I bow to you.
Wow, thank you Ariane! This was a deeply vulnerable share indeed, lkle jumping off a cliff, and your comment makes me feel caught. Deep bow right back.
This is one of those singular pieces of writing, Kendall, that I know will create a ripple effect way, way, way beyond anything you might have imagined. I knew, from the moment I first found you, that your work was above and beyond. I'm so honored to be in your world.
Echoing Joanie!! This was 🔥 Kendall. Your images were incredible, the story was RiViTiNg in the most gripping way and your tenderness is just… the jalapeño kiss we all needed. Please, PLEASE, don’t make us wait too long for pt 2!
Whew! What a beautiful, honest, and authentic piece of writing…thanks so much for this. I don’t know what Part 2 will bring, but I can tell you that I just began Nadia Bolz-Weber’s “Shameless” yesterday. I’m not sure if she is your cup of tea—a badass, tattooed Lutheran pastor who drops her fair share of f-bombs—but she has a unique take on much about life, including the subtitle of her book “A Case for Not Feeling Bad About Feeling Good (About Sex).” Just mentioning in case you want to check her/her book out. She is the one paid subscription I have on Substack.
Angie! I adore Nadia- she is absolutely my cup of tea! That book is incredible and helped me shed shame around sex more than any other I can think of. Thank you for making the connection and recommending! And hoory for being in the 27 club. 😅😉
Woo-hoo!!! So glad you’ve already found her book(s)! And this 27 club is waaaayyy better than the other one. We’re still breathing and doing our thing.
Please don't make us wait too long for Part Two, Kendall! Your writing is amazing and your narrative so rich. No doubt you are fully immersed in so much right now and I suspect have been. It's just all being mined where you can sift, sort and make decisions that are most life affirming and nurturing for you. Loving care dear one across the ocean waves right to you. 🩵
Thank you Joanie! I wrote this today because my sweet girl started kindergarten this week and the story just came tumbling out the mibute I had time to myself. I will crank the next one out as soon as I catch another moment!
Oh, hoping she has the best kindergarten experience ever. These teachers of our nuggets are part of their village and when it's a fit, there is nothing sweeter. My youngest grand nugget began first grade at the school where I do my library gig and it's been such fun to have eyes on her and see how she's settling in. Her older sister, in the sixth grade too is there. My older two grands are in HS now. Sniff, sniff, not sure how that happened?! Time to oneself is such a luxury at this season of life and I remember it well. It's quite something what we can accomplish when we have a moment or two. Loving care your way dear one. Xo 🩵
Nothing sweeter, so true! She approached this week with incredible confidence. Such a proud mama! I'm delighted that you have a library gig at your little's school. How magical!
Oof, this was one of those “holy smokes I need a hot minute (or a strong drink)” moments after hitting that publish button. But it was kind of cathartic. 😅
Such wonderful and well-deserved comments! I also lost my virginity late in life, although not as late as you; 21. But this story actually reminds me of my attachment to being a teetotaler. I never drank at all until well into my 20s. I was afraid to be an alcoholic, like some of my brothers were showing signs of, but more importantly, I was afraid to disappoint my parents, who complained about my brothers a lot. And I was afraid to lose my “good boy” status most of all!
When you wrote that you finally realized how silly it was to hold onto your virginity so tightly, it reminded me of when I realized that I didn’t have to hold onto my non-drinker status any longer. That was also just a silly fear.
I will admit that I was helped out of my prudish clinging by reading Herman Hesse, who really enjoyed his red wine. I admired his writing so much that to be more like him was attractive to me. To this day red wine is really the only alcohol I like!
Of course, my name—Boi-vin— means “drink wine.” Haha.
Don, I love this story, and how you also came to realize that hanging on to your identity as a non-drinker was silly at that time in your life. So much of what we grasp on to has more to do with ego and fear than anything that is in real alignment with our deepest selves. Salud, my friend! Thank you for the thoughtful read and comment! 🙌♥️
Kendall, I grew up with this exact same expression of purity culture: the promise ring and accompanying ceremony, the signed contract with vague language, the shame surrounding sexual intercourse. I will confess here that I never appreciated or fully understood sexual pleasure until about four years ago when I approached age forty. Now I am unabashed in sharing my fantasies and erotic desires with my husband, who relishes this shift in me.
I want to note that much of my shame surrounding sex was related to unhealed sexual trauma: harassment, assault, rape, digital rape. I did not have names for these incidents when I was young. I only blamed myself for being in such vulnerable situations (especially while drinking alcohol).
Plus, the indoctrination of my religious upbringing exacerbated my belief that all erotic desires and thoughts and longing were "bad." Now I know that's entirely false.
Oh, Jeannine. Thank you for sharing this comment, and I am so sorry that you blamed yourself for the trauma you endured, though sadly I completely understand. The combination of indoctrination coupled with the hyper-sexualization of women is a real one-two punch. I am SO delighted that you've found your voice in yhe last few years. Here's to many more years of celebrating your sacred desires and claiming what is yours! 🙌♥️✨️
Kendall, this is beautiful and so courageously vulnerable! How you navigated purity culture and the longing and discovery of sex and love and self is truly a becoming our whole selves with these sometimes comically messy hormone driven and divine bodies and so many love stories woven through our consciousness. Bravo! 💛
Oh, Kendall, your willingness to be this vulnerable, coupled with your gift of exquisite language, creates a permission structure for any one of us to challenge the cultural (and thus personal) conditioning that persists in undermining women for our Divine sexuality. I bow to you.
Wow, thank you Ariane! This was a deeply vulnerable share indeed, lkle jumping off a cliff, and your comment makes me feel caught. Deep bow right back.
This is one of those singular pieces of writing, Kendall, that I know will create a ripple effect way, way, way beyond anything you might have imagined. I knew, from the moment I first found you, that your work was above and beyond. I'm so honored to be in your world.
Well, that just brought tears to my eyes!
Echoing Joanie!! This was 🔥 Kendall. Your images were incredible, the story was RiViTiNg in the most gripping way and your tenderness is just… the jalapeño kiss we all needed. Please, PLEASE, don’t make us wait too long for pt 2!
I will throw myself into it at once! Thank you for the jalapeno kiss, friend. Love you!
Whew! What a beautiful, honest, and authentic piece of writing…thanks so much for this. I don’t know what Part 2 will bring, but I can tell you that I just began Nadia Bolz-Weber’s “Shameless” yesterday. I’m not sure if she is your cup of tea—a badass, tattooed Lutheran pastor who drops her fair share of f-bombs—but she has a unique take on much about life, including the subtitle of her book “A Case for Not Feeling Bad About Feeling Good (About Sex).” Just mentioning in case you want to check her/her book out. She is the one paid subscription I have on Substack.
Btw…I was also 27.
Angie! I adore Nadia- she is absolutely my cup of tea! That book is incredible and helped me shed shame around sex more than any other I can think of. Thank you for making the connection and recommending! And hoory for being in the 27 club. 😅😉
Woo-hoo!!! So glad you’ve already found her book(s)! And this 27 club is waaaayyy better than the other one. We’re still breathing and doing our thing.
Please don't make us wait too long for Part Two, Kendall! Your writing is amazing and your narrative so rich. No doubt you are fully immersed in so much right now and I suspect have been. It's just all being mined where you can sift, sort and make decisions that are most life affirming and nurturing for you. Loving care dear one across the ocean waves right to you. 🩵
Thank you Joanie! I wrote this today because my sweet girl started kindergarten this week and the story just came tumbling out the mibute I had time to myself. I will crank the next one out as soon as I catch another moment!
Oh, hoping she has the best kindergarten experience ever. These teachers of our nuggets are part of their village and when it's a fit, there is nothing sweeter. My youngest grand nugget began first grade at the school where I do my library gig and it's been such fun to have eyes on her and see how she's settling in. Her older sister, in the sixth grade too is there. My older two grands are in HS now. Sniff, sniff, not sure how that happened?! Time to oneself is such a luxury at this season of life and I remember it well. It's quite something what we can accomplish when we have a moment or two. Loving care your way dear one. Xo 🩵
Nothing sweeter, so true! She approached this week with incredible confidence. Such a proud mama! I'm delighted that you have a library gig at your little's school. How magical!
Kendall, this is just WOW 🤩 so beautiful and authentic and sensitive!!!! I’m blown away!!!
Thank you sweet Alya!!
Excellent. Can't wait for the full memoir (that is in the works, yes?)
I think I may indeed be heading in that direction!
Whoa that was beautifully written
Thank you! ♥️
Oh Kendall! What a beautiful and vulnerable peace! Absolutely stunning! Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you, my friend! ♥️
I love the messages your body had for you after you gave it what it had been craving for so long.
I always find my body's messages to be on point… there's a lifelong lesson there still being learned!
Beautiful writing, Kendall. Truly powerful. 🩵
This story is amazing! Thank you for writing your guts out and giving us such a vulnerable look at your heart and your story!
Oof, this was one of those “holy smokes I need a hot minute (or a strong drink)” moments after hitting that publish button. But it was kind of cathartic. 😅
"Comically messy hormone driven and divine bodies" YES! 🙏😅 Thank you, friend, for bringing your poetry into the comment section! xoxo
Thank you, Susan! xoxo
Such wonderful and well-deserved comments! I also lost my virginity late in life, although not as late as you; 21. But this story actually reminds me of my attachment to being a teetotaler. I never drank at all until well into my 20s. I was afraid to be an alcoholic, like some of my brothers were showing signs of, but more importantly, I was afraid to disappoint my parents, who complained about my brothers a lot. And I was afraid to lose my “good boy” status most of all!
When you wrote that you finally realized how silly it was to hold onto your virginity so tightly, it reminded me of when I realized that I didn’t have to hold onto my non-drinker status any longer. That was also just a silly fear.
I will admit that I was helped out of my prudish clinging by reading Herman Hesse, who really enjoyed his red wine. I admired his writing so much that to be more like him was attractive to me. To this day red wine is really the only alcohol I like!
Of course, my name—Boi-vin— means “drink wine.” Haha.
Thanks for this really great story, Kendall! 🙏🏼
Don, I love this story, and how you also came to realize that hanging on to your identity as a non-drinker was silly at that time in your life. So much of what we grasp on to has more to do with ego and fear than anything that is in real alignment with our deepest selves. Salud, my friend! Thank you for the thoughtful read and comment! 🙌♥️
Thanks, Kendall! 😊
Kendall, I grew up with this exact same expression of purity culture: the promise ring and accompanying ceremony, the signed contract with vague language, the shame surrounding sexual intercourse. I will confess here that I never appreciated or fully understood sexual pleasure until about four years ago when I approached age forty. Now I am unabashed in sharing my fantasies and erotic desires with my husband, who relishes this shift in me.
I want to note that much of my shame surrounding sex was related to unhealed sexual trauma: harassment, assault, rape, digital rape. I did not have names for these incidents when I was young. I only blamed myself for being in such vulnerable situations (especially while drinking alcohol).
Plus, the indoctrination of my religious upbringing exacerbated my belief that all erotic desires and thoughts and longing were "bad." Now I know that's entirely false.
Thanks for a thoughtful essay here.
Oh, Jeannine. Thank you for sharing this comment, and I am so sorry that you blamed yourself for the trauma you endured, though sadly I completely understand. The combination of indoctrination coupled with the hyper-sexualization of women is a real one-two punch. I am SO delighted that you've found your voice in yhe last few years. Here's to many more years of celebrating your sacred desires and claiming what is yours! 🙌♥️✨️
Kendall, this is beautiful and so courageously vulnerable! How you navigated purity culture and the longing and discovery of sex and love and self is truly a becoming our whole selves with these sometimes comically messy hormone driven and divine bodies and so many love stories woven through our consciousness. Bravo! 💛